Dear Qui Talks: What is the purpose of life?

Dear Qui Talks,

I used to ask myself, “What is the meaning of life?” “Why are we all put here?” Many have answered to fulfill a destiny…but what is our destiny?

The answer came to me out of nowhere. “We are put on this earth to help others.”

Just think about it!

We are raised watching our parent help us grow. We go to school to learn a skill that will land us a job/life. Whether it be your dream job or just one that pays the bills, they all have the same end goal…Customer Service! We are all put here to help a group of people or just one person. Our end goal is to help others.

We go through life asking God to get us into a particular school, land a certain job, or start your own business just to help another person benefit their life. At the end of the day, we are all put here to help others. 

We have watched many movies and seen with our very own eyes what happens to those who are only concern with self-gain…DESTRUCTION! So, why do we keep questioning our existence?

I’ll end on this! I went to bible study tonight and the guy speaking posed a question that had all of us in awe… “If God answered all of your prayers in the past year, would the world change or would you just change?” 

Talkers, you are not alone in this world. So, if you can’t make the world a better place, what is the purpose of you being better alone? Together we stand, together we fall!




Dear Qui Talks: I’m Scared of Change but I Need Something New!

Dear Qui Talks,

After a year of great trials and tribulation; suffering and huge closings, I finally realized I became a new person.

We complain about wanting change in our lives, every time the new year hits but remain on the same path as last year. Life is like transitioning hair from perm to kinky or growing out your old pixie cut.

First you make the decision to finally change your hair. You are excited about the change and ready for something new. Subsequently, you stop perm’ing your hair or stop shaping your pixie cut. About a month or so of your life changing decision, you enter the “awkward phase.” That is the phase where your hair just looks weird. Your natural curls are starting to grow in with your old straightened hair or your pixie is growing out and your hair is unmanageable. Similar to life after any huge change comes trials and tribulations.

After making that change (leaving an ex, moving, changing careers, or anything) your life seems out of control. Everything just seems to be going wrong and you have lost control of styling your hair. At this point you want to revert back to your old ways because you start to think “you have made a mistake.” What we tend to forget is with any new growth in life, we are never ready. Even if you make plans, you are never ready. It’s called “growth.” You are going to have a new life and be a new person. If you knew what you would be in store for then it would not be “new.”

Thereafter, the awkward phase (trial/tribulation) things start to come together with little effort. Your new grown hair falls into place correctly, styling it is more manageable, and you start to feel like yourself again. A newly buffed and waxed self. Now, if someone from last year sees you, they may not even recognize who you are because they knew the old permed or pixie cut, you! Now you are ready to enjoy this new life until you decide to make another change.

I basically wrote all of this to tell everyone in the middle of any trial they may be facing; to hold on, you are almost there. Just keep going, change is coming. Even when you do not feel like you can push through, push harder. Something greater is waiting for you!

Talkers, who are afraid to make that change in their life because they do not know what is in store for them? Or in the middle of a change and want to quit? If this is you, make that change now or keep going. Something greater is waiting for you.

Dear Qui Talks: Close Friends/Family are the Worst Energy Suckers

Dear Qui Talks,

I have been doing a really good job at curving negative energy and remaining in the positive realm. I have also been able to change other people’s energy and mood with very little effort. However, one energy that is contagious and sometimes hard to curve are those of your closes friends and family.

When a friend and/or relative is in negative space, they tend to bring you into that realm with them. I honestly do not believe they mean to bring you down, but their negative remarks or actions have a greater effect than they realize.

For instance, when things are coming together in your life but things do not make sense in theirs, they will deliberately find something negative to say about your life, so they won’t feel as bad about theirs. Again, this may not be done to harm you. You know that they love you and will always protect you.

Just think about the time you are unhappy and trying to gather the pieces of this thing they call life. If someone on a different frequency, rather extremely positive and joyful comes into your presence you start to push them away. Simply because you do not understand how they could be so happy. More like, you are annoyed that they are happy and you want to be where they are but don’t know how. Although, you may not slander them, but internally you rather they be on your level. Hence, why those closes to you try to bring you down with their negative remarks and/or actions.

The phrase “misery wants company” is very accurate.

Now you may ask, “what do I do when the negative energy surrounds me?” The answer is to remember all the good qualities about yourself and your life. Whatever was pointed out as a negative, never existed prior so why should it affect me now? If you see this quality is starting to affect you, write a list of all the things you have going for yourself and post it on the wall. Every time that particular person pokes at you, remember your list. If all fails, stay away from that energy sucker. Even if you live with them! Find ways to stay on opposite sides or get a hobby and stay out of the house.

Energy suckers are real and they prowl on the weak minded. Unhappy people will always want a crew. If you join them, you may never get out!

Talkers, stay away from those energy suckers. They are bad company and you will lose track of your journey and goal.

Dear Qui Talks: How do I stay content everyday?

Dear Qui Talks,

Someone recently asked me “how do I stay on a high from life everyday?” Answer: “Just be present and grateful everyday!” Doesn’t make sense? Well read on.

First, I want to explain the difference between happy and joy. Happiness is on the outer layer. It can be easily taken away by either a bad driver that cut you off and then slowed down right in front of you. Especially if you are running late for work. Joy rest in the core. It is an internal feeling that someone can not tangible take away. Joy is looking around, despite your circumstance, and see that you are getting by.

Being happy is for others to see. Ever heard someone say, “I’m smiling on the outside but dying on the inside.” That is happiness. It is something you feel for a brief period (some times real or fake) but internally, you want to crawl away! Joy is what kills the internal depression.

Now you want to know, how can I get internal joy when the world around me is crumbling down. The answer, yet again, is be present. Enjoy the life around you. Be gratful for everything in you present life. Even if you are homeles on the street, be grateful for having another day to rebuild your life. You have already hit rock bottom, so the only way to go now is UP! You get to recreate your life the way you want it. Not having to follow a path that was created for you. Hence why you were unable to maintain it. It was yours to maintain. Just be present.

Some may be asking, what does it mean to be present. I am present. Well, here’s the answer! Our eyes are made to see and experience the world around us. However, they are also used as a projector. A screen is placed in front of them projecting all the past and future circumstances. You start to create outcomes that have not occurred and begin feeling anxious. After watching the entire projection of the negativity in your life, the end clip tells us, “There is no way out of this misery!”

But…when you are present, you experience life as it comes. The screen dissolves and you start to see things that you never knew existed. (Like the store you drove past everyday and never knew was there.) You begin to actually hear and understand things a lot clearer because you are not focusing on the negativity playing like a movie in your head. Or focusing on the past that you can not change pr the future you can not predict. Your full attention is in the present moment. The present is the only thing you can control.

Try it! If you want to lift your arm right now, I bet you could because you are present.

Want to shift the paradigm of your life? Be present! You will start to appreciate the small things in life and you will change. I guarantee it!

Talkers, if you are constantly in a negative space and only see your current circumstances. Try being present and tell us what has changed.

Dear Qui Talks: Be nice for 7 days! (Try it)

Dear Qui Talks,

I decided to try something new and just be nice for 7 days. No matter how upset would get or how annoying people could be, I decided to just treat everyone with kindness; for 7 days.  Anything that could underneath my skin, I replaced with my “niceness.” (Is that even a word?)

During the 7 days, I concluded a few things

One, I had a lot of energy and was more excited about waking up in the morning. I wasn’t going to sleep upset about things that have occurred. Just think about it! Have you ever realized how tired you get after crying? Or, how exhausted you are after an argument? Getting mad uses a lot of energy. They have always told us, it requires more bones to frown than to smile. (Sit back and think about that for awhile.)

Second, I realized that being nice to others made a lot of people standoffish. In general, a lot of us are on the fence when someone is a little, ‘too nice.’ We are not sure of their alternative motive or if they are being genuine. I’ve watched people’s reactions as I waved or said “Hi.” (Mind you, I only spoke to them because I caught them starring.) They would just turn around or walk away. I thought, “then why were you staring at me if you did not want me to say hi?” 

Third, coworkers started to think I had crushes on them, just by saying hi and smiling. Apparently, being helpful and nice to others automatically means you have some sort of affection towards them.

Lastly, people thought I was a little too nice. (I didn’t really tell anyone I was going to be nice for seven days.) When someone at the grocery store shared a few words with me, I responded with a smile! Friends of mine told me I was too nice. “You should have said”… XYZ.  “Why did you just smile and walk away?”

They did have an effect on my afterthought. (You know those, I should have said this… though.) I automatically started to alter my decision.  I started to think maybe I was a little too nice…then, you’re back to being bothered. I had to realize that being nice did not make me oblivious or a wimp. (All the things I really wanted to say were not going to be nice so I keep quiet. I was really taking this being nice for 7 days, serious!)  The problem is, we combine being nice with being PUSSY! It is either you show your strength or people will walk all over you. Others will walk over mean people, too! It’s all about your intelligence level. Educate don’t hate! 

Things started to appear differently within the 7 days of being nice. Now, I did run into some really nice people and made some great connections within those 7 days. I was able to meet someone that was in the music industry. A well-known person, at that. (Too bad I am not trying to be a singer.)  I also met someone who owned an entire garden and invited me to come pick fruits and vegetables for FREE!

We are so hooked up on the “resting bitch face,” we do not realize that we may be missing opportunities! I am going to try this for 30 days. This is going to be a challenge!

Talkers, it’s a new year! Try something different. Be nice for 7 days and let us know how it went. #7DaysNiceness

Dear Qui Talks: Are you mad?

Dear Qui Talks,

We all get upset over stupid things. There are times, we’ve asked ourselves; “Is this even worth my anger?”

Rule of thumb: If you have to ask yourself that question, 9 out of 10 the answer is “NO!”

So, why do we continue to get mad over things that do not really matter? One advice I can give to others is have a conversation about whatever situation that is upsetting you with another person (Preferably one that does not know much about you or the situation) and see what they respond. If they do not see an issue, normally, it means it’s not worth it.

We continuously keep creating things to make us more mad than we really may be. Adding more insults to the minor injury does not make the minor injury bigger than what it is.

Why do we keep picking on things to keep us in our uncomfortable state?

Do you ever catch yourself asking, “why am I really mad?” Then respond to yourself, but ignore the truth and remain upset. However, you already made a big deal about it, so you have to commit. These are all things all of us should think about before before making a big deal. This can change your life!

This is all just food for thought!

Talkers, what are you mad about that you know may be meaningless. But since you are already mad, you must commit to that feeling. Let things go, I promise it will change your life.

Dear Qui Talks: Hang up your goal/s!

Dear Qui Talks,

For this new year, I would like everyone to join me in this project.

What you will need:

  • Large poster or Large paper
  • Pen
  • Makers, crayons, or colorful writing tool
  • Your “New Year Goal/s

What to do:

On a large poster, write the goal or goals you would like to accomplish for the year of 2018. Decorate the poster with the markers and/or crayons.

Hang up the poster somewhere you can see it EVERYDAY!

Visually seeing your goals everyday, mentally forces you to work on them. Imagine, actually accomplishing your new year resolution by the end. How would you feel?


Talkers, have a goal for 2018? Write it out and let’s get things done.

Dear Qui Talks: #DisableInstagram

Dear Qui Talks,

I decided to do an experiment and disable my Instagram. Now I only disabled my Instagram for about two weeks, however I stop posting pictures on Instagram for a little over a month.

My first experience without posting pics was perfectly fine. Mainly, because I didn’t care to take any pictures or videos of my every move. I actually got to enjoy being in the presence and not worrying about grabbing my phone to take a picture or a video. Then taking time out to make it perfect. Then taking more time out to add filters and/or figure out the caption…so on and so forth.

I actually got to experience every moment and leave my phone in my bag. However, I was still able to watch people on Instagram. I started to realize that also took a lot of time out of my day. I would be idle for 2 minutes, pull out my phone and lost about 15 minutes, plus. Mainly because whoever I was with was doing the same.

I decided, “that’s it” and disabled my Instagram. I did not set a time as to when or how long I am going to disable it. Or, if I even decided to fully delete it. One day, I woke up and decided to remove the app completely on all of my gadgets. As the days went on, I caught myself going through my phone to look for Instagram.

What I did analyze is being able to wake up earlier do things because now I’m not spending 15 to 20 minutes, sometime an hour on Instagram scrolling through my feed, not even really fully paying attention to what I’m scrolling through. This was just after waking up.

Since I was making up time, I have been able to work out, sleep in for an extra few minutes if I wanted too. I also had time to think about things and not sink my thought into my phone. I allowed my mind to fully process things. I’ve actually focus on what’s new and appreciate everything else around me.

I started to look at myself in the mirror. Now, this I did not realize until the other day, when I decided to enable my Instagram just for 5 minutes to check a DM message someone sent me. As I logged back into my Instagram, I read all of my DM messages, when I was supposed to only read one and responded to other messages. People were so concerned because I haven’t been posting. As if, not posting about your life means something is wrong. Ever thought, my life is my own.

I also wasted time looking at all the new followers I’ve received (do not know any of them) and scrolling through my feed (majority I have never met). When I snapped back into reality, I realized 30 minutes has past.

After immediately disabling my instagram for the second time, I started to look at myself in the mirror. Without any effort, I started to compare things that somehow embedded itself into my brain. Just from scrolling through my instagram, not even realizing that the things that I saw already went into my head, I start to compare the things I started to love about myself again and see why I should not love them. I was looking at somebody else. Not to say that I don’t love everything about myself, but you just start to compare…”I wonder if I had this it would be a little bit cuter.” You would’ve never knew about that flaw if you did not have something to compare it too.

Here is an example…..You ever try something new for the first time and like it. Then try something similar to it but created differently and you enjoy that one even more. Now, you start to doubt the first thing you tasted. Not to say the first item was not good, it was just different. Equally good, just different. We tend to forget the “different” part.

Now back to my story!

It’s pretty interesting how my thought process has changed with being disconnected from instagram for two weeks. Even my perception of things already started to change. I felt as if I enjoyed life a little bit more. Not worrying about my phone and being able to physically speak to my friends over the phone for hours, as if I were back in middle school or High School. Majority of our conversations have been taking place over DM, just by sending funny posts to each other. That has been our way of communication. I enjoyed the intimate conversations I’ve had with my friends….on the physical phone!

Many of us know how social media has effected us….HOWEVER….have you ever disabled your instagram for more then a month? How about 2 weeks? I recommend trying it!

Talkers, for this new year…try this challenge. #DisableInstgram

Tell us how have your life changed.

Dear Qui Talks: Imagine if being nice was SEXY!

Dear Qui Talks:

Imagine a world where being the most beautiful and the most successful was irrelevant. Being the nicest person was the way to gain popularity. Posting videos or pictures on social media of helping others was the way to gain the most followers. Spreading love is what made you an influencer. Image a world where you were rewarded for saying the most please and thank you’s in a year. Imagine being arrested for being mean or a bully.

Could you imagine? How better would the world be?

Would hatred exist? Would Isis be a topic of conversation? Would suicide be a thought? Would hunger and poverty endure? Can’t help but wonder what would the world be like?

Just take a moment and imagine. What would life be like for you? How different would your day be? How many followers would you have?

We all know the Michael Jackson song “Man in the Mirror.”

I’m starting with the man in the mirror
I’m asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself, and then make a change

This world needs some TLC and I am going to start with me. How about you all do the same. This world can definitely become a better place for the present and future. Let’s do it together.

Talkers, be the change the world needs to see. Start by smiling more. It’s contagious!

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