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That “Building Your Man Up” BullCrap!

So, I finally had time today to catch up on some blogs I view daily, and I saw that Madame Noir posted about last night’s episode of “Insecure.” Just from the title (The Ridiculous Notion  of “Building With A Man”), I was intrigued. I thought to myself, “Oh gosh, now we are not suppose to work with our man.” To my surprise, I felt myself screaming, “YASSSS,” on the inside. 

For those whom do not watch “Insecure,” here is a brief recap as to what occurred last night. The main character Issa finally confessed (well, was confronted) about having sexual relations with her ex-boyfriend by her current boyfriend, Lawrence. Of course he immediately broke up with her and has been spending nights at his best friend’s house. 

(Small back story: Lawrence has not had a job in 4 years. Issa has been holding him down since he has been layed-off. Lawrence has been cashing his unemployment check, where a bank teller named Tasha, keeps flirting, yet encouraging him to stay motivated.) 

Now, let’s fast forward…

Like many guys, Lawrence goes to the strip club with his boys to keep his mind off the breakup. While at the strip club, he calls Issa and tells her, he misses her. She tells him, when I get back let’s talk, since she is away for her friend’s birthday in Malibu. She rushed home to find, Lawrence has cleared out his things out of the apartment. When the episode was ending, we see Lawrence at Tasha, the bank teller, house pounding her out.

So, generally I am irate but confused. I wanted them back together so badly, but after reading what Madame Noir posted, I DO NOT WANT ISSA TO TAKE LAWRENCE BACK! See Madame Noir posted below. Talkers, tell me what you think after you read it.

my husband saying, “Well, it kind of makes sense that he would end up with the bank teller,” he said. “She did support his dreams when the other [Issa] wouldn’t.”

I laughed hysterically because that was the only thing I could muster up. Now she’s just “the other”? I looked my beloved in the eye and said, “See…that’s that bullsh-t!”

And that’s when it hit me. As I relayed to my husband in the moments after the finale ended, “It’s easy to ‘support’ someone and build their ego when you’ve never had to contribute anything substantial beside some words,” I said. “She’s pumping up his ego from the outside. Issa was with him for four years and watched him sit on the couch for damn near half of that time when they had bills to pay.”

I was riled up, and so was one of my best friends. She had been in a relationship that was just as long as Issa and Lawrence’s, and it ended in a similar way. After he put the least amount of effort into cultivating their relationship, my friend ended things with her long-term boyfriend. He quickly went on to meet someone new and to seemingly become the good boyfriend he could never be for her. She messaged me wanting to vent as the episode’s ending unexpectedly opened up some old wounds.

“Ni–as don’t know how to deal with hurt,” she lamented. “Instead of talking about why she may have cheated and the issues they could have worked through after four years together, he’s off in the strip club and already calling up his options. We need to stay with an option!”

But talking would have been too much work. Instead, Lawrence did what a lot of men do. He surrounded himself with friends who, when hurt, reduce women to objects, claim that we’re not made we liked used to be because their grandmothers stood by men who started whole other families, and in Lawrence’s case, lie and claim he got his life together for Issa, painting her as ungrateful.

All I could think of were the comments I’d read over the years of men, citing Barack and Michelle Obama, saying that the problem with today’s women is that we “don’t want to build with a man.” We don’t know how to support a man’s dreams. Our expectations are too high. But in reality, a lot of the time, when you give and give of yourself in a relationship and help a man build, you end up in a situation like my friend, like the Torrei Harts of the world, and the countless other former girlfriends of athletes, celebrities and everyday flunkies — left behind. This after helping to “build with a man,” a.k.a, hold his hand and stroke his ego when you’ve had to stand on your own two feet since leaving your mama’s house.

Do not get me wrong, cheating is completely wrong from all playing fields. However, how dare you throw me to the side, like I was with you from the beginning before hearing what I have to say. Atleast, give me the chance to  tell you why I cheated and what was going through my head. 

Am I wrong Talkers? Let me know! 

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