Diary

Dear Qui Talks: I Have Daddy Issues!

Dear Qui Talks,

For many years I have denied the fact I have daddy issues. My sisters, friends, and strangers have told me about my issue. I always thought to myself, “how are you going to tell me what issues I have?” I knew I had issues with my father since I was a child. I have heard out of my own father’s mouth, he hated me! From that point forward, I have always referred to him as a “sperm donor” and never cared if he didn’t like me.

It wasn’t until last week, while I was crying and venting to a friend, I caught myself saying for the first time ever in my life; “My dad hated me, so my respect for men will always be at a low. I will never expect a man to love me, especially since the man who gave birth to me doesn’t.” Saying those words for the first time broke me up entirely. This week has been a heavy week for me. Hearing a man talk badly about women of his own race, broke my heart. If a man can give birth to a child and tell a child they are ugly because of their features or tell your child you hate them, why would I expect more from another man that does not know me?

These thoughts have put me in a bad funk, where I have been spending a lot of alone time. Never in a million years will I ever think my dad has affected the way I viewed and respected men. Now, do not get me wrong, I have had a few great male influences in my life (uncles, stepdad, and my best friends). However, nothing compares to the person that help birth you. What makes it even worst is that my older sister is getting married in a few months and has asked me to talk to my dad before the wedding. Here is my favorite part, my dad has 5 kids, I am the middle child and the only child he hates. Why?

Meditation and prayer have been my best friend this whole week. This is something I know I have to deal with and get better. But a child can’t help but think, “what did I do wrong in my dad’s life to make him hates me?”

Talkers, you never know a person’s past. Some reactions have nothing to do with you and entirely with them.

Advertisements

10 replies »

  1. It’s an amazing reality the level of influence fathers have over their children and sometimes I think many of those fathers don’t even realize it. Of course, everyone has a different experience with their fathers, so there isn’t really a one-size fits all solution to various problems people may have with that relationship.
    But, I once had a therapist explain that sometimes some things are just not possible – including a relationship with one or both of our parents and there is no need to justify the decisions you make for yourself.
    For me, I have a great relationship with my dad, but the one I have with my mother is quite a bit different and I have come to a point in my life where I maintain a comfortable boundary with her. There are family events that I will have to associate with her, but I have mastered being friendly without engaging in a full-blown relationship.
    Anyways, this is truly a sensitive issue and I hope you’re able to find some peace with it.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Its how I never thought my dad has affected my relationship with men. This has been a tough week, but honestly finally writing about it has helped me deal with it. Although I was skeptical about posting yhis, I am happy I did. Thank you for commenting.πŸ’ž

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow 😲, this is a heavy burden to carry – thinking that father hates you . Truly hope one day you and your so called father will find a way to amicably resolve the past and move on . Your writing should be somewhat cathartic for your past experiences. Thank you for being sincere and authentic πŸ’• lots of HuggsπŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I am surprised and shocked to hear you never spoke about this before. I can’t begin to tell you you are an amazing young woman and bright. Words are the destruction of all man kind. One day we will sit and talk further and you are ready to hear what we share in common and how time can heal what one day was. I can relate. Now you know why I am some tough stick to my guns kinda lady who knows my value and you should always know that as well.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I never knew it really affected me until now. I knew I had some issues, but I was to focus on succeeding to let it change me. The way I have been handling people here has broken me. Well, I should say God has broken me to be more compassionate. I am a warrior and I know these feelings will pass. Love you, Aunty!πŸ’•

      Like

  4. I’m really sorry to hear this, really. Especially since I have a few mommy issues of my own so trust me when I tell you, I can empathize with you (perhaps not as intensely though).
    You seem like a wonderful woman and I realize how important parents can be for their children. But certain things can’t be altered, can they?
    On the bright side, we both now realize how not to be bad parents to our children, so that will be a plus point working in your favor later πŸ˜„.
    I hope one day you heal from the pain you’re going through. And you can contact me if you ever need to talk about anything. Sending warmth your way ❀.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for thise kind word. Absolutely things can be altered. Both parties have to want to change. Yes, I will be a great parent to my kids. I wish you nothing but the best as well!πŸ’•

      Liked by 1 person

  5. This is heavy! I am so sorry for your pain and for how your father has not loved the way he should. First off, I would say it is OKAY to feel pain and to express that pain. Holding in the pain only hinders you from allow love to come in. One man’s mistakes should not keep you back from experiencing deep and true levels of love. Will it be difficult, ABSOLUTELY!!! But its s not impossible. It’s a journey. Life s a journey, a journey facing our realties and deciding what we are going to do about them. We don’t get to dictate all of the circumstances of our lives but we do get to choose the power they have over us. Feel the pain, cry the tears, scream, journal, vent, go to counseling, meditate, eat ice cream. Do what you must to get your healing and to take care of your own heart! Just know that your life is way more valuable than one man’s failures and if you allow it, love will find a place in your heart and you will be able to trust it. In the meantime, seek peace with your reality and fight for your own joy!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for this!πŸ’• Its a learning process but I absolutely want true love. Meditation, journaling, and ice cream are surely my bffs. Thank you for allowing me to feel. Feels wierd, but a weight has definitely been lifted. So I thank you, again!πŸ€—

      Like

Talkers Tell Me What You Think!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.