Dear Qui Talks,
For many years I have denied the fact I have daddy issues. My sisters, friends, and strangers have told me about my issue. I always thought to myself, “how are you going to tell me what issues I have?” I knew I had issues with my father since I was a child. I have heard out of my own father’s mouth, he hated me! From that point forward, I have always referred to him as a “sperm donor” and never cared if he didn’t like me.
It wasn’t until last week, while I was crying and venting to a friend, I caught myself saying for the first time ever in my life; “My dad hated me, so my respect for men will always be at a low. I will never expect a man to love me, especially since the man who gave birth to me doesn’t.” Saying those words for the first time broke me up entirely. This week has been a heavy week for me. Hearing a man talk badly about women of his own race, broke my heart. If a man can give birth to a child and tell a child they are ugly because of their features or tell your child you hate them, why would I expect more from another man that does not know me?
These thoughts have put me in a bad funk, where I have been spending a lot of alone time. Never in a million years will I ever think my dad has affected the way I viewed and respected men. Now, do not get me wrong, I have had a few great male influences in my life (uncles, stepdad, and my best friends). However, nothing compares to the person that help birth you. What makes it even worst is that my older sister is getting married in a few months and has asked me to talk to my dad before the wedding. Here is my favorite part, my dad has 5 kids, I am the middle child and the only child he hates. Why?
Meditation and prayer have been my best friend this whole week. This is something I know I have to deal with and get better. But a child can’t help but think, “what did I do wrong in my dad’s life to make him hates me?”
Talkers, you never know a person’s past. Some reactions have nothing to do with you and entirely with them.