Dear Qui Talks: Father’s in the House vs Out!

Dear Qui Talks,

My friend and I were comparing our childhoods. I grew up in the household with a single mother, while my friend grew up in the household with both of her parents living together. My mother and my father were separated and I only saw my dad on weekends or if I needed him to do something for me during the week. My friend told me, she saw her father at least once or twice a month because he worked about 80 hours a week and traveled a lot.

A tv show about a separated family gets into a dispute because the single dad wants to go on a trip with his friends but he forgets he had plans with his daughter. The angry mother insisted that the father takes his daughter on the trip with him.

My friend quickly disagreed with the mother because she was getting angry about him hanging out with his friends and not wanting to take his daughter on the trip. My friend, in an aggy tone said, “all of these double standards with men not living with their kids versus those who live with their kids are stupid. I lived with my father and never saw my father everyday, but nobody would ever say anything to him because he so-called lived in the house with us.”

She also exclaimed that she never saw her father nor did she speak to her father! He worked 80 hours a week and when he came home all he did was sleep, eat, and drink. “Since he lived in the household with us nobody would ever call him a deadbeat father, but if a single dad does the same; work 80 hours a week and sees his kid once a week, he is automatically a deadbeat father.” Said my friend in a disappointing tone.

Many people are quick to judge because of what society tells you a family should look like. We all assume a man will automatically relinquish his duty as a father once he separates from the mother. Some are better caretakers than providers. Stop worrying about what everyone’s life looks especially when yours looks different. Just be the best father you know to be.

Talkers, how many grew up with their father’s in the house vs out? Tell me your experience. Do you agree with the above letter?


2 replies »

  1. I agree! There are married women who experience the same challenges as single mothers (I.e. the dad works all the time or travels or just doesn’t help). There are dads who are far more”present” than the mom. There are single dads who don’t live with their kids but who are there for them every single day in some way (perhaps getting the kids on/off the bus or is just a phone call away for help with homework). Generalizations about moms and dads always grate on me. There are no universals! My parents separated when we were 4. He had us every other weekend and he’s come to the house for holidays and birthdays. It was neither the best nor the worst of situations.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Absolutely! I know a few dads who are no longer with the mother but are extremely present in their kids’ lives. Society needs to stop generalizing humans, period! We are all different and react differently.

      Liked by 1 person

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